Story 1
Gary: hey donald!
Donald: what do you want?
Gary: so... what were you doing at Claire's house Yesterday?
Donald: uuhhh...
Flash back to Claires house Yesterday
Claire: more tea madame donald?
Donald: of course princess claire.
Present day
Gary: aawww!
Donald: I just like her company.
Story 2
In the beginning god made the heavens and the earth.
Then god said let their be light.
Then god made two beings Adam and Eve and spoke to his creations
God: welcome to the world
Alex: ok what is this?
Priest: it's a book.
Alex: I know a book when I see one, what kind of-
Priest throws something at alex
Priest: read the book!
Alex: fine... anyways, adam said to god
Adam: go away you fat-
Everything turns red
World blows up
Alex: god tried again and recreated
Everything.
Earth, light, adam, and eve-
Ok this is getting ridiculous
Priest: read the book-
Alex: no, read it yourself, it's all garbage to me
Alex gets struck by lightning.
Story 3
Gary: hi Sarah.
Sarah: hi Gary.
Gary: can I talk to you?
Sarah: what is it?
Gary: I want to talk to you about your car's extended warranty.
Sarah: my what?
Sarah gets crushed by a car
Story 4
Donald: this is a nice day to go on a walk.
Hears scribbling and turns around
Connie: oh hi, my name's Connie.
Donald: hi Connie, what are you doing?
Connie: I'm drawing a picture of Sarah sneaking up on you and kissing you.
3 second pause
Donald: that's stupid.
Sarah kisses donald on the cheek
Pause for 5 seconds
Donald: please don't cast a spell on me.
Story 5
Gary: hi Jared, what's up?
Jared: Alex got a cow on the roof of the school.
Gary looks up
Gary: how did that happen?
Jared: Alex picked up a cow, then he jumped onto the roof of the school, and then he put the cow down and jumped back down.
Gary: no, he did not do that.
Alex: I did.
Gary: ok then get the cow off the room.
Alex: ok.
Alex jumps onto the roof
Gary: how the-
Alex picks up cow and jumps off roof
Alex: ta da
Gary: stop doing this stuff
Story 6
Patrick: how many flights of stairs are there?
Jordan: 50
Justin: I'm sure it won't be that bad.
30 flights of stairs later
Jordan: this is taking too long.
Patrick: can you tell some stories to pass the time Justin?
Justin: I'll start with a sad story. I left the bike keys in the room.
Jordan & patrick: nnooo!
Story 7
Dalton: ok so, a fox is sitting on a bench-
Donald: ah-hem
Dalton: ...
Donald: go on, tell the joke.
Dalton: oh it's time for dinner.
Donald: it's 1pm.
Dalton: looks it's big foot.
Donald: tell the joke.
Dalton: uuhhh
One dirty joke later
Jared: I told you not to tell the joke.
Dalton: I'm in a lot of pain right now.
Jared: baby want a water?
Dalton: volvic.
Story 8
Claire: I think there's a monster in my closet.
Gary: claire, there is no monster in your closet.
Claire: how do you know?
Gary: I'll go check.
Walks over to closet and opens it.
Gary: see it's just your toys and turtle slippers.
Turtle slippers: hello
Gary: get the holy water.
Story 9
Sarah: hey Connie, what are drawing?
Connie: I'm drawing a picture of Sean and Liam shooting goo into your eye.
Liam: WHAT!
Sean: what do you mean goo.
Liam: let me see that water gun.
Sean hands water gun to Liam
Liam: the onii chan- Sean this is a goo gun!
Sean: oopsie
Sarah: that's more than an oopsie.
Sean: your right, an oopsie daisys
Liam: next time I'm going to the store with you. Let's go.
Liam and Sean walk away
Sarah: I owe you one.
Story 10
Colton: who wants to hug the puppy?
Dog: woof
Gary: not me.
Jordan: what?
Gary: I'm not interested.
Colton: but, it's a puppy.
Gary: I'm not fond of dogs.
Walks away
Colton: I don't get it
Jordan: me neither.
Story 11
Austin: hey Alex, why is everyone running?
Alex: I divided by zero.
Austin: why would... holy- what is that?
Alex: a rift in time space.
Austin: what have you done!
Alex: I divided by zero.
Austin: well, can you fix this.
Alex: I could undivide by zero.
Austin: how?
Alex: like this.
Rift in time space is fixed
Austin: please don't kill me.
Story 12
Mary: who tore up my doll?
Andrew: I don't know, but it was sacrificed on an alter made of deer antlers.
Aran: oh dear god!
Andrew: most likely yes.
In the next room
Sean: did I go too far?
Liam: you did.
Sean: oh man.
Story 13
Robert: Gary, tim, Alex, I just got this really cool pet!
Places frog on table
Alex: a frog?
Robert: it's a frog that slaps people when they lie.
Tim: let's test it out.
Alex: let's start with Gary.
Gary: very funny.
Frog slaps Gary
Gary: ooww
Tim: that looks like it hurt.
Frog slaps tim
Tim: that actually did hurt.
Robert: Let's do this with Alex.
Gary: what did you do today?
Alex: I was hanging out with Olivia.
Frog slaps Alex
Alex: ok, I was experimenting on a frog.
Tim, robert, and Gary: what?
Looks at frog
Tim, robert, and Gary: knock it off
Story 14
Olivia: hey Patrick
Patrick: hey what's up?
Olivia: I learned a fun fact today from my uncle.
Patrick: what's that?
Olivia: one out of every three people are ugly.
Patrick: I'm not ugly.
Olivia: me neither.
Looks at reader
Patrick: I think your uncle's bad at math.
Olivia: I think you're right.
Story 15
Dalton: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 once I caught a fish alive.
6, 7, 8, 9, 10 then it's up my-
Jordan: excuse me
Dalton: hi Jordan
Jordan: where were you going with that song?
Dalton: I don't want to say.
Jordan: say it.
Dalton: uuhhhh
One very inappropriate line later.
Aran: what happened
Dalton: I just got slapped.
Aran: want a drink to make you feel better?
Dalton: coca cola.